Imagine the thought of that, 15 weeks in Heaven. I wonder what little Sarah is seeing with her little baby eyes.
I wonder what angelic songs she is hearing in praise to our heavenly Father. I would love to see how much she's grown. I would love to see her precious little smile, and feel the softness of her face, and kiss her little baby lips.
I would love to caress her delicate golden baby hair. It was so pretty, I wish you could have seen it. She was the blondest of all my children. I wish I would have taken a photo of the back of her sweet little head so you could have seen how pretty her hair was. The nurse at the hospital gave me a little snippet of it to keep. Every once in a while I take it out of the envelope and look at it. Actually, I've only been able to do that once. I don't want to loose any of it. Plus, I would have to prepare myself for a good deal of weeping.
My arms still ache to hold her.
Her little pink cradle still sits in the corner of my room. My daughter Madeline made a new cover for it last spring. It's kind of bright pink soft corduroy with dark brown trim along the bottom and white eyelet trim around the top. In it is the softest of soft pink blankets that a friend of mine gave me. It has the words, "Thank Heaven for little girls" embroidered on it. There is also a soft little pink teddy bear sitting in her cradle that says "My first Bear" sometimes I give him a little hug when I walk by.
Her dresser is still filled with pretty little frilly dresses and little pink onesies and fancy little socks that I never got to dress her in. My husband was the only one to dress her. He had put on her a little white t-shirt. I sleep with that little t-shirt beside my pillow. Sometimes I lay it over my leg and try to imagine her little body in it. I still weep.
I don't open the dresser very often either. It still holds all the special little things that the girls and I made for her. Little booties, little hats, special little blankets, that little pink sweater that I crocheted for her last winter by the fire as I was waiting for her to arrive. I remember feeling her move inside me. I miss being able to feel her. I still feel so empty inside.
This morning I read from Psalm 139:1-3
O Lord, thou hast searched me, and known me. Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off. Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways.
I think of Sarah when I read verses 14-17
I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them. How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them!
I love reading verses in the Psalms where there are exclamation points!
Praise the Lord, O my soul.