Friday, July 15, 2011

365 Days of Heaven and Hell

I know that's not a "pretty" title. But tomorrow would be Sarah's birthday.
365 days ago  I held her in my arms.
365 days ago I could kiss her little face and hold her little hand in mine.
365 days ago July 16, 2010 was one of the best days of my life when my little princess finally came to us.
365 days ago, July 17, 2010 was the worst day of my life when she left us to go home to be with Jesus.

I can't put into words the deep ache I have in my heart for her. I miss her more and more with every passing day.
There is a dark empty place I have for her within my soul that can only be touched by my Heavenly Daddy.
It hurts so badly, but he holds my heart so tenderly in his hands.
There are moments that go by, when grief explodes over me like a crashing wave, and I long to go home to be with her and to be in the arms of Jesus myself.
I long to go to the place where God shall wipe away all tears from my eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain.....
I know this is not my home.

I am so thankful for the people that God has placed in my life.
Never underestimate how God may use you, my friend, to touch the heart of another to reveal Christ's love in a very real and special way.

I have been so blessed by the outpouring of love from the body of Christ and the prayers that dear friends have lifted up on behalf of my family. I know that they have helped to sustain me, they have been a life line to me.

Some verses that were shared with me this week have been:

Romans 1:9~
God knows how often I pray for you. Day and night I bring you and your needs in prayer to God...

Romans 15:13
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Psalm 34:18
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

I hope all of you have special friends like these who will help you along in your journey and always be pointing you to our Heavenly Father who loves you more than words can say.

I'm going to include a post from one of my closest friends for you to also read. She has been one who has continued to walk through the fire with me without being afraid of seeing my tears. She has helped me to hang onto life and to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

Here are a couple of excerpts: 
Did you realized that when you walk with someone who is oppressed you are directly involved in carrying out the law of Christ?  Jesus, Himself is being honored in your burden bearing.

Bearing one another's burdens is like being that tomato cage for someone.  The tomato plant will grow heavy and fall over if the support stick or cage is not placed around them.  The best fruit will come when the plant is staked and has the support it needs!  Be the stake for someone.  Attach yourself to the one God is showing you and stake yourself there as long as it takes!  Ask God for someone who can act as a stake for you--one who will encourage you to stand straight and tall in God--one who will be a support as you grow and bear fruit for God.

I do hope that you take time to read what she has written, and I encourage you to be that person for someone who needs you as she has been that person for me. I encourage you to be that safe place for someone that God has placed in your life.

Don't be afraid to sit with someone while they cry. Don't be afraid to let them weep. Don't be afraid to hold their hand when they need it. Don't be afraid to "talk about it", they will let you know if they want to or not at that moment. Don't be afraid to "bring it up" Believe me, it's already there. Don't be afraid to just listen and not try to fix anything. Don't be afraid to offer an embrace. Don't be afraid of finding the right words to say,,,,you don't have to search for them,,,they really don't exist, just be there. Don't be afraid to look sorrow and grief in the eye with compassion and kindness.The worst thing you can do is pretend that there is no pain, and pretend like they aren't there. (that hurts badly)  Don't be afraid to offer a prayer. Don't be afraid to just be with them in the quietness.

Has the Lord not said:

Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine. When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.
For I am the LORD thy God, the Holy One of Israel, thy Saviour:

 I miss you sweet baby girl. I pray that Jesus will give you special birthday hugs and kisses from me and Daddy and that the angels will sing you a beautiful birthday song! I pray that your day will be filled with unspeakable joy as you delight in the presence of your Heavenly Daddy and that you will play and giggle among all the ever blooming flowers and be dazzled by all the beautiful colors in Heaven.
Always remember that I love you forever and dream of you every day. Some day we'll play and dance and sing together! Momma's voice will be a lot prettier in Heaven too! Can't wait!!
I love you sweet Sarah! Give Jesus a kiss from me!

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Once Upon A Time

Once upon a Time there was a beautiful little princess named Sarah,,,
Born into my kingdom...
In my mind there was nothing more perfect than to have
three handsome young princes on one side of the table and
three beautiful young princesses on the other side of the table,
with the King on his throne at the head of the table,
and the Queen (that would be me) at her place at the other end of the table....
And we all lived Happily Ever After.......
That's how I would have written the story.

But I know that God has already written down all of my days.
He knows the plans he has for me,,,and they are good.

He pointed out to me that "Happily Ever After" doesn't come until the END of the story.
Sarah has come to live in her "Happily Ever After" in the Kingdom of Heaven.
In the presence of the Lord, The King of Kings, beholding his glory and forever praising him....

The Lord showed me where I will find my "Happily Ever After"
It comes at the END of THE BOOK!
In Revelation 21:4 I read,
And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain; for the former things are passed away.

That will truly be HAPPILY EVER AFTER!

In Isaiah 35:8-10 the Lord says,
A highway shall be there, and a way, and it shall be called the way of holiness; the unclean shall not pass over it; but it shall be for those; the wayfaring men, though fools, shall not err therein. No lion shall be there, nor any ravenous beast shall go thereon, it shall not be found there; but the redeemed shall walk there; and the ransomed of the Lord shall return, and come to Zion with songs and everlasting joy upon their heads; they shall obtain joy and gladness, and sighing shall flee away.

We have A LOT to look forward to!

Jesus said unto me in John 16:22
Ye now therefore have sorrow; but I will see you again, and your heart shall rejoice, and your joy no man taketh from you.

Six Months have passed since my sweet little Sarah woke up in the arms of Jesus.
Six months has always been my favorite baby stage, when they are able to sit up by themselves, and they start to really giggle and play.
I still think of her every day. I still see her tiny little face. I can still feel her in my arms even though they are empty. There is a weight that sits upon my heart that is as heavy as the stone that now sits upon her grave.

2 Corinthians 4:17-18
For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; while we look not at the things which are seen; but at the things which are not seen:  for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.

I went to see her monument two weeks ago....but it's taken me a while to be able to take in that sight.
I drew out the design of it on paper and then put it into words to give to my friend Bill at Shelby Monuments. I never showed him my drawing,,but Sarah's memorial stone came out just like my drawing.
The butterfly on the front represents a very short beautiful life. Across the bottom it says, "Safe In The Arms Of Jesus" 

The five daisies across the back represent our 5 little ones in Heaven. The largest one in the center is for Sarah, and the other 4 are for our  little ones that were miscarried. They also represent their 5 siblings here on Earth.
These verses from Psalm 73 comfort me,
~Nevertheless I am continually with thee; thou hast holden me by my right hand.
Thou shalt guide me with thy counsel, and afterward receive me to glory.
 ~My flesh and my heart faileth; but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion forever.
 ~It is good for me to draw near to God; I have put my trust in the Lord God,
that I may declare all thy works.

In Isaiah 66:13a the Lord says,
As one whom his mother comforteth, so will I comfort you...

He is the God of all comfort....
And comfort me He does.