Saturday, November 27, 2010

How Long?

How long will my heart be heavy?
How long will it be before my heart stops physically hurting from the pangs of grief?
How long will it be before I can make it through a day without crying?
How long will it be before I can make it through a week without weeping?
How long will it be before I stop keeping track of the weeks since little Sarah left us?
How long will the enemy of my soul accuse me and hound after me?

Psalm 42:5~8
Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted in me?
Hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him for the help of his countenance.
O my God, my soul is cast down within me: therefore will I remember thee....
Deep calleth unto deep at the noise of thy waterspouts: all thy waves and thy billows are gone over me.
Yet the Lord will command his lovingkindness in the daytime, and in the night his song shall be with me, and my prayer unto the God of my life.

These are my thoughts this day.
I don't cry all day, but I do still cry everyday.
I can't imagine what the storehouse looks like where God is keeping all my tears that have fallen.
The Lord does carry me through my days, and he is with me during the night.
I know there are times that I disappoint him with my thoughts, with my words, and even with my actions.

Yet he still shows me his loving kindness.
His love and his grace is greater than all of this.
I am very aware of his tender presence with me.

Psalm 103:10~14 says,
He hath not dealt with us after our sins; nor rewarded us according to our iniquities. For as the heaven is high above the earth, so great is his mercy toward them that fear him. As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us. Like as a father pitieth his children, so the Lord pitieth them that fear him. For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust.

I had a dear friend of mine point out to me that if you go keep going North, you will eventually be going South around the Earth, But if you keep going East, you will never end up going West around the Earth. Isn't it interesting and wonderful that the Lord has removed our transgressions that far from us.

He does give me joy in the midst of  my sorrows.
He does bind up my broken heart.
He does comfort me.
He does give me beauty for ashes.
He does give me the oil of joy for mourning.
He does give me the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness.

How can I not praise him?